Stability
by fuzzyblueberryjelly
Summary: Set somewhere in the near future, Castle and Beckett will have to deal with the inevitable in more sense then one.


Just a little something i've been working on. Set somewhere in the near future. Not sure if i'm gonna add more chapters yet so... tada!

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><p>Castle watched as Kate leaned back on the hood of her car, shoulders hunched in and arms folded defensively, simply taking a deep breath. He was tempted to go talk to her but he also knew she needed some time to herself to think about the case. Her mother's case. They had gotten a fresh lead form another case they had recently solved and Kate had once again thrown herself fully into it.<p>

He was still watching as the paramedics brought the two body bags out of the apartment. The scene was emptying quickly but Kate was still standing by the car staring up at the apartment. Instead of finding the man behind her mother's death they had found two more of his associates, one of which put a requested bullet in his partners head then one his own, and two of which were cops.

It was not completely hopeless however, as they had secured a few names that could be new leads after scouring the apartment.

He watched until Esposito and Ryan only remained on the scene and until even they, giving him a look and motioning towards Beckett, left.

"Hey. "

She hadn't noticed that he had made his way over to where she was standing

He tried to lighten the mood," You look like Alexis did when she found out Santa wasn't real." But he regretted it instantly as the truth in the comparison caught both of them off guard. He could see it in her eyes, she had lost yet another bit of innocence and it had shaken her to the bone this time. She didn't have much left.

She met his gaze for the first time, "I just…I don't know." He took step closer and leaned on the car next to her, "You know my mom's case, all of this, was supposed to be some sort of closure. But it just feels like somebody's ripping the wounds open every time before they get to heal properly."

The statement had been so matter of fact and raw that he didn't know how to respond at first. He placed a hand on her shoulder, "Let's go get some dinner, ok?"

"No." The words came out her mouth to fast, as if an answer to a different question, "I mean… I'm tired. I need to go home, need to think about some things."

She saw the look on his face and guessed the words that were about to come out of his mouth if she didn't stop him. She managed a small smile, "Alone."

"At least let me drive you home." She looked down at her still shaky hands then back up at Castle and nodded yes.

They got about half the way to Beckett's apartment in silence before she asked the question that had been fogging up her mind.

"Would you shoot me?"

"What?"

" If I asked you to shoot me. If we knew it was all over and I asked you to, would you do it?"

Castle realized she was thinking about the two crooked cops that were now in body bags down at the morgue.

" I wouldn't shoot you."

"But I'm asking you to shoot me. Begging you. Would you shoot me?"

"I wouldn't shoot you. There'd be another way out."

"There's no other way out Castle!"

He paused after her outburst and deflected the still hovering question as he pulled into a spot close to her apartment, "Would you shoot me?"

She put her gloved hand to her forehead, "You'd never ask."

They sat in silence for a moment until Castle's stomach involuntarily growled loud enough for Beckett to hesitantly suggest coming upstairs and getting some food before he went home.

She sat on the couch as Castle threw this and that into the pot that was filling her apartment with a heavenly aroma. It wasn't long before he brought over two plates of some sort of pasta to where she was sitting.

"You really didn't need to."

"My pleasure. Anyways, I was starving."

Kate twirled her fork in the pasta before lifting it to her mouth, "Where did you learn to cook like this? I can't see Martha being much of the cook type."

"Iorn Chef."

"Why am I not surprised. Would have pegged you more for an Ace of Cakes guy though."

They went back and forth for a bit longer. Castle could tell she was trying to keep up their normal banter but something seemed off.

" Kate, If you want to talk about it… you should know I'm capable of actual adult conversation. I know it must be hard."

She thought over his words and inhaled sharply, "Why are you here?"

"I was starving, did you hear my stomach down in the car?"

"Rick."

He looked at her knowingly but he should have known that wouldn't be enough.

"There must be at least a dozen restaurants between here and your loft that you could eat at." She pointed to the window on the far wall, "I can see three from my window."

It was his turn to use her first name, "Kate."

"All I'm saying is… well I don't really know what I'm saying." She stood up taking the empty dishes into the kitchen, "You should probably get going, it's late. I don't want Alexis to worry."

He stood up choosing his words carefully, "Do you want me to wait for you to call Josh first? You really shouldn't be alone."

Kate didn't turn around from where she was washing of the dishes, "We uh, we're not together anymore. "

"Well then that could make for one awkward phone call."

"Yeah."

He felt a little happy that they had broken things off, but the defeat in her voice cancled any of that out, "I'm Sorry."

She waited a few minutes before speaking as set the dishes back in the cupboard, "He told he my job had become more then my job." She read Castle's face, "Yeah I know, Ironic for a doctor to be saying right?" He nodded as she continued, "The sad thing? When he told me this job, _this case_ had become my life, my first instinct was to take it as a complement when he had been so obviously making it the reason he was breaking things off with me."

"That's what makes you, you." She walked over towards him and sat down on the sofa as he continued, "You know, you put your whole self into everything you do. I would give anything to have that kind of drive."

The conversation was quickly becoming deeper then she would have hoped but it just felt so good to get all of it out so she responded, "I want to emerge myself in this, and I want nothing more than to find her killer, and it's fine and it's great but when I can finally come up for air, there's nothing here. And now, now I'm back exactly where I started."

He didn't think he had ever seen her look so defeated before and it caused a dull ache in his own chest, "You asked me why I was here. I'm here because I care about you. And because _we're_ not back at the beginning. We've come so far Kate, I..."

"Don't."

"Why not?"

"Because then it's over. Don't you see? When I look back at my life I don't think I've ever had a relationship as successful as ours and we're not ever _together_."He could say the same thing of himself but he let her finish talking, "You're my stability. You're there and I know, I know I take advantage of that but we're partners. I need you to be my partner. "

He shifted on the couch and extended his arms around her bringing her stiff form closer until eventually she gave into the hug. She didn't cry, but she didn't talk either.

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><p>So I'm not certain if i'm going to make it a mutli-chapter fic but i'm leaning towards... yes? I feel like there's still a lot more that can be said. Anyways, hope you enjoyed :)<p> 


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